too long for a tweet, too short for a blog post...
Im currently in Toronto for the night. It's almost 3am and I have to be up in a couple of hours to help run an all-day workshop on integrative thinking at a local high school in the GTA with a group of really kick-ass people, you know who you are. Honored to have even been invited to participate, thanks. On the topic of insomnia, it doesn't help that I have a million thoughts running through my mind. I'm sure the cup of coffee that I drank just before I left a work holiday party earlier this evening in KW doesn't make things any easier... Although the party itself was definitely a great time. Lots of good food and great company all around. One thing that has been bothering me though and has been on my mind for the past couple of months, is the nature of the digital world we are surrounded by today, where our so-called 'lives' in the age of Facebook, Twitter and 'social media' don't fully reflect who we really are in the real world as people. Where it seems our sense of self worth nowadays stems from the number of 'Likes', RTs or views/comments on our blog, instead of the real and meaningful personal connections that we have with others around us. Where we can be hyper-connected to tens of thousands or even millions of friends/followers, and yet, still feel just as isolated and as alone as ever in real life. Where I am sure that we are all just people trying to get by that experience both ups & downs, good days and bad days, on an ongoing basis. What is that saying?... be extra kind to those around you as everyone is fighting their own battle. Something like that. And yet, all that we continue to see through various social media channels--at least from my individual perspective where the grass is always greener on the other side--are the 'amazing' lives that my friends are living given the proliferation of photos taken in exotic locations of smiling faces that I constantly see on my newsfeed.
I can't be the only one experiencing this, can I? And yet, somehow I know that I'm guilty of advancing this idea of a carefree and constantly smiling Renjie myself, an individual without any problems, on a quest to change or conquer the world... again, a matter of perspective. All of this, I must tell you, a result of a very deliberate attempt to craft my online 'personal brand' over the years, while masking the 'real' me inside. Given our competitive nature as human beings where we are constantly trying to one-up each other with our numerous Facebook status updates and/or tweets around our favorite topic, 'ME', (whether we do it consciously or not)... I don't know about you, but I'm having a bit of a hard time keeping up the facade of only showcasing the positive side of me day-in and day-out, while the part of me struggling with issues (and trust me when I say there are many) wants to scream and let it all out. We are of course, are our own worst critics, I understand. I guess this particular blog post is my attempt at balancing things out, inviting the Yin to come out and play with the Yang, so to speak (or whatever metaphor of a similar nature you'd like to use). Big things are certainly in store for 2012, I have no doubt (again, a result of positive thinking and a can-do and make-magic-happen attitude). And yet, I've said all of this and made it public on Facebook and Twitter, while seemingly hiding the fact that I still have a number of challenges to overcome, both in my personal as well as in my professional life, where I do feel that I am currently in a 'slump' at the moment (as far as baseball metaphors go). There have been a lot of times, especially these past few months, where Ive just wanted to cry and crawl into a hole for a couple of days, waiting for the sunshine to eventually come out. A bit emo and over dramatic, perhaps. But you get my point. The important thing is, however, that I'm trying my best to get out of the slump Im in with the help of a number of close friends and mentors (you know who you are, thank you). And that's all one could ever ask for, really. That you tried your best and gave it all you had. And if it doesn't work out today, tomorrow is another day, you get up and try again. These are the status updates that you don't see from me. I may come to regret writing this raw and open blog post for all the world to see when I wake up in the morning. I'm trying to remember... the last time I wrote something similar filled with raw thoughts and open emotions (aside from my open letters to my sister Loren of course), must have been back in 2004/2005 when I was first blogging and sharing my thoughts on Xanga. But perhaps I may not come to regret writing AND publishing this piece at all. Since this is me. The real me. Filled with anxiety and nervousness about what the future may bring. But along with it, a sense of excitement, adventure and wonder as well. Balance. Harmony. Insert appropriate new-age word here. The real me that still has a lot of self-doubt, constantly questioning whether or not 'Im good enough'. And yet, I look back at everything that I've accomplished and where I am on my personal journey called life, and somehow, though I may be struggling right now, something tells me that everything is going to work out just fine. In some ways actually, it feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that I've gotten this rant off my chest. I should be able to get to sleep a lot better now. If you've read this far, thank you. The sun comes up in a couple of hours, and with it, a new day and new beginnings.Ke$ha on getting emotional while recording (Rolling Stone)
Ke$ha's love for Bob Dylan is well known, and she has long touted his 1969 release Nashville Skyline as her favorite record of all time. But when it came time to record something special for Amnesty International, she set her sights on "Don’t Think Twice, It's Alright" from 1963's The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan instead. She had no idea that the experience of recording it would turn into the cathartic and emotional experience that it did.
"I didn't want this to sound like a pop version of a Bob Dylan song," Ke$ha tells Rolling Stone. "That's the last thing I wanted this to sound like."She brought her friend, producer Bob Ezrin, on board, and the two of them discussed an interpretation of the lyrics that positioned the song as a suicide note from the female perspective. But then it became something different entirely; something personal.The first time Ke$ha sang it through, she was all alone, in her bedroom, singing it straight to her laptop. It was one of the first quiet moments that she had to herself in three years, and the first time she had even been home in a few months. Suddenly she was sans entourage, without any managers or body guards surrounding her."And there were particular lyrics in the song that you can just tell, once they came out of my mouth – the emotion caught up with me and I just started weeping," she says. "It's something that I didn't plan on, that wasn’t contrived at all. It just sort of happened."The suicide note interpretation that Ezrin and Ke$ha talked about had evolved into a different kind of message. "It seemed like a suicide note to the love of my life and to my former life," she says. "Because everything in my life has changed so much. And it went from being this ambiguous interpretation – this idea we had – to it being so completely relevant to everything I'm going through. I'm so lucky and blessed, but there are moments that are just so incredibly lonely that it's indescribable. And I've never written a song that's admitted that. Singing Bob Dylan's words and feeling my own emotion through it – it was a very intense moment for me."Read more:
